13 Dec

Just as we got off the exit for MOBAP both Jeff and I  said something to th measure of “it just kicked in.”  Jeff said he got a lump in his throat when he saw the big blue “Hospital” sign and I started feeling pretty anxious about what we were really doing.   We waited no more than 10 minute for a room and in less than 2 hours I was laying on the operating table.     Jeff could tell by the loss of feeling in his hand that I was pretty freaked out.  He pulled out our camera and showed me pictures of Millie that were taken just a few days before which made me feel a ton better.   About 10 minutes later the Dr. was pulling baby out of my belly and as I was waiting to hear that first precious cry I heard “she’s pooping all over me!” instead.   Jeff actually has a picture of baby coming out, poop and all!     While she was getting cleaned up the Dr. takes the time to show Jeff what my uterus and ovaries looked like before stitching me up.  The thought of him playing with my organs to give my hubby a teaching lesson was less than amusing but I secretly wished I could see, too!   Not sure if he got it on video or not…   maybe I’ll upload later?  =0)

I gazed at my new little girl getting cleaned up and her proud daddy capturing it all on video.   I had to have been staring at her for at least 20 minutes because before I knew it, the surgery was all over.   “That’s it?”  I remembered asking myself.  I felt a bit empty…   and the overwhelming guilt.  I questioned why I wasn’t feeling things like: euphoria, happiness, relief… something along those lines.     The whole birthing process that I had just been through was so sterile and quick.   9 months- half of Millie’s life to that point, I spent baking my new little one and I felt I had little to do with her actually coming into this world.

Before I got too lost in my thoughts- Little Hazel Janette was placed into my arms as I was wheeled back into recovery.   I had given Jeff the choice of Alice or Hazel right before surgery and there was no question that “Hazel” was perfect.




The next few days were spent recovering in the hospital.  Jeff set my goals for the week: hall walk, fart, poop, and burger and fries.    I managed to accomplish all the goals minus the fries- Jeff took care of that one.   ;0)      My recovery has been okay so far.  My incision is healing well and I don’t feel much pain around the site.  I think the worst of the pain is the gas.  And no- I don’t mean painful farts.   I explained the pain I had to the nurse as being stabbed in my lungs and shoulders with a knife.    She said it was just  gas.    Oh that’s it?  Lovely.   General soreness, fatigue, and dizziness (but that’s probably from the pain meds)… and that about sums up about how I’m feeling physically.

Hazel lost a full pound while in the hospital due to  jaundice and nursing complications.     After talking to 4 lactation specialists and 6 or 7 different nurses about what could be wrong, how I could improve things, etc…  I was totally confused.  Everyone had conflicting advice.  You’d think that people working in the health field would have more faith in the human body!   They tried to talk me into doing everything I wanted to avoid and really gave me some pressure once her weight loss was at 10%.   At 3am when  a nurse runs into your room with a bottle and formula saying she was not thriving you’d lose faith in your own body, too.  I broke down and allowed formula- but using a feeding tube attached to my nipple.   Doing it this way encouraged Hazel to stay latched allowing stimulation for milk production.    I’m happy to say that my milk has came in and she has been nursing like a champ!  She’s back to her birthweight at just 10 days old on good old fashioned breast milk right out of the boob.


2 Responses to “Introducing…”

  1. Jenny December 13, 2010 at 4:05 am #

    I felt the same way about all the breastfeeding advice in the hospital from nurses, doctors, lactation consultants, etc. We supplemented with formula for a week or so and have been breast only ever since.

    Congrats again on hazels birth! I can’t wait to meet her.

    • ahammer42 December 13, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

      I think after awhile I just nodded my head and stopped asking questions- the big question of “is she getting enough?” was answered with around the clock nursing all week but it’s becoming more routine now and comfortable. Congrats on your success with breastfeeding as well!

      Can’t wait for play dates in the new year- I’m getting cabin fever already!

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