On Millie and her Awesomeness

6 Jan

Don’t want to get in the no-posting-rut again…  so just something quick:

It’s now 2011 and before I go any further…Millie just apologized all by herself after getting yelled by daddy for coloring on the carpet.  Amazing- probably the best word to describe her.   And we have a topic for this post, folks…

Millie has been truly amazing this past month- yes, can you believe it?  Hazel is a little over a month already!   We just had her 1 month check-up and she is in the 75th percentile for height and weight.   Needless to say, the breastfeeding is going very well!   I’ll post pictures and more about her later.  This one is for Millie who has been super awesome- other than her fascination with poking Hazel in the eyes.    When we first came home from the hospital Millie called Hazel “momma’s baby,” and while some thought it was cute I secretly felt a lot of guilt every time she said it.  Millie, after all, is still a baby, my baby and now I have a different baby.  Millie has been very sweet with Hazel- giving her kisses and hugs, patting her head, clapping her hands, etc.   She now uses the word “gentle” when playing with her, despite how ungentle she is at times.  Safety is  really the only issue we deal with on a daily basis.  It’s getting better, however.  It keeps me on my toes.

Everyone keeps asking how Millie is handling everything and if she is jealous or acting out.  I’m constantly reminded to give Millie “extra love,” as one person put it.  It’s getting old.   I think people secretly want Hazel’s addition to be hard on me and on Millie.  After all, I am stealing Millie’s “babyhood,”  according to another family member and “selfish” for wanting another so soon.   Other women are why some women feel so beaten down.   To those women: I’m sorry you can”t handle your own children and feel guilt over your lack of parenting skills, but don’t project on me.  I’m doing just fine, Millie is doing fabulously and  I couldn’t be more proud.

The past few weeks Millie’s vocabulary has been through roof!   I couldn’t even count how many words and phrases she uses in a meaningful way.  Of course I’ll take some credit for it but I can’t help but think my kid’s a genius, too. =0)     When she falls she tells us she is “hurt,” and “wants kiss,” to make it “all better.”   And as Daddy put it best, sometimes that first kiss doesn’t always work and she requests another.   She spends a lot of time describing the world around her, labeling things like  Hazel’s body parts or her own, things in the house, books, etc.  She likes to tell you about the mess she made saying it’s,” messy” and that it shouldn’t have been made by saying “no no mess, clean,” all while waving her finger back and forth.   She tells you that you should “pick [up] trash” and “throw trash” [away].  She now apologizes apparently!  Although, I’m not sure where she got that from.  Guess the one or two times I asked her to say “sorry,” stuck with her, but that was weeks ago!  She says “miss daddy” when he’s not here, she gets upset and tells me that daddy is “busy,” when she was denied a book or playtime, she tells me about how grandma and grandpa cook while she swirls a pen in a cup etc…   I could go on and on.

Again…  my kid is amazing.  I even like how she tells you “I kick” or “I hit” right before she does it.   Although not so cute when she does it to the dog or her “sissy,”  but at least we’re given a heads up!     She is definitely a push- your-buttons-to-the-limit kind of girl, but we like it that way.

Guess that wasn’t so quick…I wish I could write more but Millie is insisting I “cut nails” and climbing on me saying “sit lap, sit lap,”  and Hazel is waking up from her nap.   I hesitate to post as this feels unfinished, but better something than nothing!

Off to give my girls some extra love…



13 Dec

Just as we got off the exit for MOBAP both Jeff and I  said something to th measure of “it just kicked in.”  Jeff said he got a lump in his throat when he saw the big blue “Hospital” sign and I started feeling pretty anxious about what we were really doing.   We waited no more than 10 minute for a room and in less than 2 hours I was laying on the operating table.     Jeff could tell by the loss of feeling in his hand that I was pretty freaked out.  He pulled out our camera and showed me pictures of Millie that were taken just a few days before which made me feel a ton better.   About 10 minutes later the Dr. was pulling baby out of my belly and as I was waiting to hear that first precious cry I heard “she’s pooping all over me!” instead.   Jeff actually has a picture of baby coming out, poop and all!     While she was getting cleaned up the Dr. takes the time to show Jeff what my uterus and ovaries looked like before stitching me up.  The thought of him playing with my organs to give my hubby a teaching lesson was less than amusing but I secretly wished I could see, too!   Not sure if he got it on video or not…   maybe I’ll upload later?  =0)

I gazed at my new little girl getting cleaned up and her proud daddy capturing it all on video.   I had to have been staring at her for at least 20 minutes because before I knew it, the surgery was all over.   “That’s it?”  I remembered asking myself.  I felt a bit empty…   and the overwhelming guilt.  I questioned why I wasn’t feeling things like: euphoria, happiness, relief… something along those lines.     The whole birthing process that I had just been through was so sterile and quick.   9 months- half of Millie’s life to that point, I spent baking my new little one and I felt I had little to do with her actually coming into this world.

Before I got too lost in my thoughts- Little Hazel Janette was placed into my arms as I was wheeled back into recovery.   I had given Jeff the choice of Alice or Hazel right before surgery and there was no question that “Hazel” was perfect.




The next few days were spent recovering in the hospital.  Jeff set my goals for the week: hall walk, fart, poop, and burger and fries.    I managed to accomplish all the goals minus the fries- Jeff took care of that one.   ;0)      My recovery has been okay so far.  My incision is healing well and I don’t feel much pain around the site.  I think the worst of the pain is the gas.  And no- I don’t mean painful farts.   I explained the pain I had to the nurse as being stabbed in my lungs and shoulders with a knife.    She said it was just  gas.    Oh that’s it?  Lovely.   General soreness, fatigue, and dizziness (but that’s probably from the pain meds)… and that about sums up about how I’m feeling physically.

Hazel lost a full pound while in the hospital due to  jaundice and nursing complications.     After talking to 4 lactation specialists and 6 or 7 different nurses about what could be wrong, how I could improve things, etc…  I was totally confused.  Everyone had conflicting advice.  You’d think that people working in the health field would have more faith in the human body!   They tried to talk me into doing everything I wanted to avoid and really gave me some pressure once her weight loss was at 10%.   At 3am when  a nurse runs into your room with a bottle and formula saying she was not thriving you’d lose faith in your own body, too.  I broke down and allowed formula- but using a feeding tube attached to my nipple.   Doing it this way encouraged Hazel to stay latched allowing stimulation for milk production.    I’m happy to say that my milk has came in and she has been nursing like a champ!  She’s back to her birthweight at just 10 days old on good old fashioned breast milk right out of the boob.

Calm before a beautiful storm

29 Nov

I’ve been dying to get formal pictures done of Millie.   On  a whim- I went into Portrait Innovations today for a session.   I still can’t believe that my first baby is not going to be my only baby.  Just wanted to do something special for Millie (and myself!) before she has to share some of her limelight!     Before we know it- people will be oohing and ahhing at the new baby and Millie won’t be the center of attention.      It does make me a bit sad- but something makes me think that Millie won’t travel to far out of that center.   She’s has been such a ham lately!    She says “hi” to every passerby, loves to hug other little kids ,  and is just plain goofy most of the time.     She has a way of getting what she wants- sometimes in ways that are not so cute, though.   She is definitely developing a “I want it now” attitude and can be very bossy… apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!      If I had written this post a month ago I’d have probably been a lot more worried than I am now as we are only 2 days from the big day!    I have been a lot more laid back and less worry wart.

So December 1st will be the big day that baby #2 makes her grand entrance.   I’m pretty anxious about having to do a repeat c-section.    Not a very personal way to have a baby but she is breech and with my heart-shaped uterus my Dr.’s say it’s too risky to turn her.  This pregnancy has really been a breeze.     General fatigue has hit me these last several weeks and now have been going through braxton hicks contractions that aren’t so mild- but nothing much to complain about.   I’ve gained less weight than last pregnancy and weigh just as much as I did when I had Millie.  I’m at 199.   Amazing to think that I could ever  weigh this much!  I was 120 back in highschool- look at me now!    So I’m not so proud of it- but that’ll be a chapter I’ll pick up after baby is here, I’ve healed, and we’re back into the swing of things.

Daddy has been working hard the last several months getting the house ready for baby #2.  The nursery is almost finished.   It took awhile, seeing as how the ceiling was reinforced (leaking roof caused ceiling to cave in a different part of the house), new carpet was put in, walls painted, doors sealed, lead paint removed, etc…       All we’re missing are clean sheets and curtains that remain unbought.   We’re getting there!  =0)

So this has been sort of a stream of consciousness thing and I apologize…  but I’ve been so into having everything organized and like so… it feels good to just sit and type whatever comes to mind.  I apologize for not recording more and hope that I’ll pick up when baby comes home.

Last thoughts before I go?

Terrified of the coming surgery- but so excited to meet our new little girl and finally give her a name!


A new word!

24 Aug

My mom bought Millie a potty today.    In keeping with our current theme of “frugality” I asked for it as a birthday gift for myself for Millie to use.  Although it would be quite a site to see me sitting on a plastic puppy potty.

Just moments ago I tried putting Millie on it and sang “pee pee on the potty, pee pee on the potty,” a song that I’ve been singing for months now every time Millie see’s me going potty.  I thought maybe this would get her excited about trying herself.  Keeping in mind that she’s only 15 months old, I told myself to relax and just see what happens.  Millie got up halfway into my song and peed on the floor.     “Ewwwww,” she exclaimed as she pointed to the puddle she had just made.   I wouldn’t say this was a total failure- this was the first time I’ve ever heard her say “ewwwww.”    Her growing vocabulary continues to impress me day by day.

We’ll try the potty again in the morning before I put a fresh diaper on Millie.   I will spare my readers, present and future, the details as I’m sure this will be a looooong process which we may just pick up several months down the road.

and we’re blogging!

18 Aug

I am a few pages  from finishing up Millie’s baby book, although it’s not exactly “finished.”  I didn’t add photos where it said “add photo of first toothy smile here,” and I didn’t write in all her heights and weights at 1 month intervals.   I wonder if there are moms out there that actually fill everything in and as they happen?    So to avoid awkard blank entries in baby #2’s book I sought to find one that was a simplified version of Millie’s.  No dice.  Then I thought, “how about a scrapbook?”  Nah… too much freedom and I’m not into stickers and scalloped edges.

So here we are in the midst of our family’s first blog entry.

Millie is just over 15 months old and I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with, yes, another little girl.   We are totally blown away by Millie’s spunky ‘tude and big, beautiful, brown eyes and can only wonder what our new little miss will add to the family.   We’ve got 15 weeks to go, so we’ll pick up that storyline later.

At this very moment Jeff has a baby doll stroller on his head and is saying, “I’m going to get you!”  at Millie.   Priceless!

And that wraps up the awkward “intro” entry.